When the name Ann Coulter is mentioned, a flood of words comes to mind: mean, angry, extremist, conservative, inflammatory, hideous, arrogant, male. Regarding that last adjective, we are speaking specifically of a male who is angry because he looks like a woman—sort of. You could throw the adjective ugly into the mix, but that’s probably redundant. Seriously, how many men have you seen in a dress who are good-looking?

What we’ve just said about the author and pundit would be out of bounds were it not for the fact that everything Ann Coulter says is out of bounds. Here are some examples:

“If I’m going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I’ll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.”

“We should invade their [Islamic] countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.” “I think [women] should be armed but should not vote. … Women have no capacity to understand how money is earned. They have a lot of ideas on how to spend it…it’s always more money on education, more money on child care, more money on day care.’’

In the last quote, Coulter actually seems to acknowledge she’s not a woman. We presume the neocon believes she should have the right to vote. And her words make it crystal clear that Coulter knows she does not think the way women do.

It has long been postulated—by HUSTLER and others—that Ann Coulter is a hermaphrodite or is intersexed with scrambled genes. One disorder linked to intersexing is Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, which can cause males to be born with underdeveloped genitals or even female sex organs, including a vagina. Screwed up chromosomes could explain 6-foot-tall Ann’s boyish figure and Adam’s apple.

It’s worth noting that investigative reporter Brad Friedman, writing for this magazine in April 2008, stated that on June 15, 2005, when Coulter filled out an application to become a Florida voter, she left blank the section specifying sex. Supplying false information on such a document is a third-degree felony that could result in a $5,000 fine and/or five years in prison. But enough about Coulter’s mutant sexuality. The reason she appears here has more to do with her stated political beliefs. Let’s take a look at them.

Taxes: Coulter is against raising taxes on millionaires but is in favor of raising taxes on the poor. Specifically, she wants the 47% of American citizens who don’t pay taxes to start ponying up. Those are the people at or below the poverty line; they can’t afford to pay taxes.

Social Security: Coulter wants to end the FDR legacy—immediately. She’s said “there are the 39 million greedy geezers collecting Social Security. The Greatest Generation rewarded itself with a pretty big meal.” According to Ann, Social Security is a “Ponzi scheme” that she wants to “destroy…root and branch.” Of course, it’s not a Ponzi scheme. Social Security is a retirement program paid for by working people and their employers. What’s despicable is that the Republicans, including Coulter, would love to steal that massive trove of money to help pay down the national debt. It won’t bother Ann to see our streets clogged with senior citizens living under bridges and begging for food.

Afghanistan: Coulter wants the United States out of there the day after tomorrow if not sooner. Sounds good, right? But that’s only her position because President Barack Obama is for a slower withdrawal of troops. As recently as 2010, Coulter was saying “bombs are the answer.” Going back farther still, she said the war in Afghanistan was going “swimmingly,” and before that she justified the war because it was “against fundamentalism”— Islamic fundamentalism, not Christian.

Health insurance: Coulter wants insurers to be able to sell policies across state lines. Her thinking is that the resulting competition would drive down insurance rates. However, according to the Congressional Budget Office, while young people who are healthy would, in fact, pay less for their health insurance, older people—those most likely to get sick—would pay more. But the real problem is that health insurance providers would all flock to the state with the most favorable regulations. To put it another way, these companies would relocate to the state where they could most easily screw the people they insure.

We saw this with the credit card industry. Citibank literally wrote the regulations for the state of South Dakota as a requisite for basing its credit card operations there. No surprise: Other credit card issuers quickly set up shop in South Dakota as well. That’s why your credit card company is able to screw you with astronomical interest rates and hidden fees.

Regardless of her sex, Ann Coulter is a pig. She has absolutely no empathy and no concern for average working people. We annoy her. That’s largely because she was born into a life of privilege. Her father was an attorney for Phelps Dodge Corporation, a mining company believed to be responsible for as many as 13 toxic waste sites in violation of federal environmental regulations. (Ann’s dad was a pig as well.)

It’s not a big leap to say his daughter was raised to view all but the top 1% as worthless peasants. Looking at Ann through that lens, all of her positions and pronouncements finally come into focus.

Message to Ann Coulter: Blow yourself. Seriously. Put that thing between your legs into your mouth and suck on it until you come. It’s up to you if you want to swallow.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 1st, 2012 at 5:01 am and is filed under Asshole Of The Month. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.