from HUSTLER Magazine July 2011
Justice Thomas,sir! You are a failure,pure and simple. Oh, sure, you’ve achieved high office and riches far beyond those of other men, but money and power are not the true measure of a man. Honesty,integrity and compassion are. So on that score,sir, you are a total disgrace.
You are a cheat! A sex addict! A liar and a self-hating Negro. You are those things and more.And,with all due respect, we have to wonder about your IQ.But then, you’ve wondered about that too, haven’t you? Nothing came easy for you.You had to really knuckle down to get the grades you got. You disagree, sir? Let us take a trip down memory lane. Yes, Justice Thomas, this is your life!
You were born in Pin Point,Georgia,an economic backwater without household plumbing, sewer system or paved roads.Your father abandoned you at age two. Your mother struggled to make ends meet, and you frequently went to bed hungry. But fate interceded at age seven when circumstances forced you to move in with your grandfather. He was the one who taught you the value of hard work and self-reliance. You owe him for that.
Although you did surprisingly well in high school and college,when you graduated from Yale Law School, your grades were, well, lackluster. This prompted law firms where you sought employment to reject you as an affirmative action beneficiary who had been pushed through the system. How that must have rankled you—even though it was,in fact,true.
In 1975 you read Race and Economics by Thomas Sowell and The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. These books eventually formed the framework for your legal philosophy and your subsequent contributions to the Reagan Administration while serving in the U.S.Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights and later on the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Yes! You were on your way to the top of your profession. You had proven that self- reliance,determination and a willingness to sell out your fellow man could compensate for a less-than- stellar intellect.
Those were heady days allegedly filled with porn, alcohol and womanizing. At least that’s what your former girlfriend Lillian McEwen stated in a CNN online article.She also said that after you finally gave up drinking, you became mean and abusive,especially toward your son. You are still mean and abusive,but now it’s toward working-class Americans.
Other women have come forward with allegations similar to McEwen’s, but none stand out as much as Anita Hill, who almost torpedoed your 1991 Supreme Court nomination. She claimed you were guilty of sexual harassment,a notion McEwen finds credible based on your porn addiction. It’s ironic that for all your scholarly speeches and judicial decisions,the words you will always be most famous for are,“There’s a pubic hair on my Coke can.”
You ascended to the Supreme Court despite Ms. Hill’s assertions. Finally, after having used affirmative action to climb your way up the ladder of success,you were in a position to pull it up after you. Let’s look at some of your Supreme Court decisions:
In Adarand Constructors v.Peñaand in Gratzv. Bollinger you struck hammer blows against equal protection and affirmative action laws that were designed to level the playing field in education and employment for minorities.You sure showed those Yalies what you thought of the help they gave you.
In Elk Grove Unified School District v. Newdow and Cutter v. Wilkinson you allowed tax-free religious groups to participate politically—in direct conflict with the Establishment Clause of the Constitution. That’s why we now have churches that pooh-pooh evolution and that think Earth is only 6,000 years old influencing what’s taught in our schools. Nice going.
In Planned Parenthood v.Casey you indicated your clear desire to overturn Roe v. Wade,which gave women the right to have an abortion. Isn’t this the kind of case from which a Catholic should recuse himself?
Recusalis a word that’s used a lot when your name comes up, Justice Thomas. For example, shouldn’t you have recused yourself from the Citizens United v. FEC decision? Allowing corporations to spend as much money as they want—in effect to buy politicians—clearly benefited your good friends,Charles and David Koch. After all, you’ve been a paid speaker at their strategy retreats and,based on recently revealed tax returns, they provided you with four days at the exclusive Rancho Las Palmas resort near Palm Springs, California,during one of their powwows.
Not to mince words, the Koch brothers are evil sons of bitches who deny climate change despite the overwhelming evidence. But then, the two billionaires only care about profits from their planet-destroying oil pipelines. So what’s your excuse? Oh, yeah. The paid getaways… and the fact that your wife, Virginia, is the indirect recipient of Koch brothers money.
That brings us to the really big brouhaha in your life: your failure to disclose on your income tax forms—for the last 20 years—Virginia’s earnings from far-right groups that have benefited from your conservative decisions on the Supreme Court.That,sir,is a crime punishable by up to one year in jail and a $50,000 fine. We understand there are numerous other conflicts of interest that are also being looked into.
People are starting to talk, Justice Thomas. They are saying you should be impeached, and that brings us back to our previous “self-hating Negro” assertion. Your disregard for judicial ethics and public opinion go far beyond mere arrogance. We see it as a subconscious desire to be punished for your ill deeds. In that regard,sir,we truly hope you succeed. P.S. Should you ever revert to reading porn—if indeed you ever stopped—we are prepared to offer you a 50% discount on a subscription to HUSTLER.